11th-hour tweaks for Windows ‘98 by Microsoft

10. Included subliminal “Impeach Janet Reno” messages in start-up screen.

9. New Internet Explorer feature: whenever you visit a Web site ending in “.gov,” a message first appears reminding you that Microsoft is not a monopoly.

8. Source code no longer ones and zeros–try 666s and zeros. Windows start-up theme, played backward, says, Here’s to my sweet Satan.”

7. Comes with check for $50 that, if cashed, puts your name on an Internet petition telling the DOJ to buzz off *and* changes your long distance carrier to AT&T.

6. New desktop icon–click once, and $1 will go directly from your checking account into the Microsoft Legal Defense Fund.

5. Added new template to preinstalled version of Word: “Letter to the editor expressing delight with Microsoft products.”

4. Freebie computer-controlled Barney doll has been reprogrammed to say, “Big government is sca-a-ary. Janet tried to hurt me.”

3. TV function scrambles C-Span during antitrust hearings.

2. Desktop display with countdown tracking number of copies of Windows 98 that must yet be bought to prevent worldwide economic collapse!

1. Last-minute name change: was “Windows 98,” now “Windows: Assimilate.”

Related Jokes:

1. New Microsoft Windows advertising slogans
2. New Microsoft Windows advertising slogans
3. South African Edition Of Windows 98
4. The Windows Rejection Song
5. The Windows Rejection Song
6. Windows 95
7. Windows
8. Alternatives to Win95
9. Is Windows a virus?
10. WINDOWS 2000 BROOKLYN EDITION
11. Abraham wants to upgrade his PC to Windows 95…
12. Searching for Janet Jackson
13. Windows Messages
14. Windows 2000
15. The Three Horses of the Apocalypse