A woman was very distraught at the fact that she had not had a date or any sex in quite some time.
She was afraid she might have something wrong with her, so she decided to seek the medical expertise of a sex therapist. Her doctor recommended that she see Dr. Chang, the well-known Chinese sex therapist, so she went to see him.
Upon entering the examination room, Dr. Chang said, “OK, take off all you crose.” The woman did as she was told. “Now, get down and craw reery, reery fass to odder side of room.” Again, the woman did as she was instructed. Dr. Chang then said, “OK, now craw reery, reery fass back to me.” So she did.
Dr. Chang shook his head slowly and said, “Your probrem vewy bad. You haf Ed Zachary Disease. Worse case I ever see. Dat why you not haf sex or dates.”
Worried, the woman asked anxiously, “Oh my God, Dr. Chang, what is Ed Zachary Disease?”
Dr. Chang looked the woman in the eye and replied, “Ed Zachary Disease is when your face rook Ed Zachary rike your ass.”
The following are actual English subtitles used in films from Hong Kong:
* I am darn unsatisfied to be killed in this way.
* Fatty, you with your thick face have hurt my instep.
* Gun wounds again?
* Same old rules: no eyes, no groin.
* A normal person wouldn’t steal pituitaries.
* Darn, I’ll burn you into a BBQ chicken.
* Take my advice, or I’ll spank you a lot.
* Who gave you the nerve to get killed here?
* This will be of fine service for you, you bag of the scum. I am sure you will not mind that I remove your toenails and leave them out on the dessert floor for ants to eat.
* Quiet or I’ll blow your throat up.
* I’ll fire aimlessly if you don’t come out!
A man suspected his wife of seeing another man. So, he hired a famous chinese detective, Mr. Sui Tansow Pok, to watch and report any activities that might develop. A few days later, he received this report:
Most honorable sir:
You leave house.
He come house.
I watch.
He and she leave house.
I follow.
He and she get on train.
I follow.
He and she go in hotel.
I climb tree-look in window.
He kiss she.
She kiss he.
He strip she.
She strip he.
He play with she.
She play with he.
I play with me.
Fall out of tree, not see.
NO FEE.
One evening, as Uncle John and his wife are entertaining guests with cocktails, they are interrupted by an out-of breath little Johnny who shouts out, “Uncle John! Come quick! The bull is fucking the cow!” Uncle John, highly embarrassed, takes young little Johnny aside and explains that a certain decorum is required. “You should have said, ‘The bull is surprising the cow’- not some filth you picked up in the City,” he says. A few days later, little Johnny comes again as his uncle and aunt are entertaining. “Uncle John! The bull is surprising the cows!” The adults share a knowing grin. Uncle John says, “Thank you little Johnny, but surely you meant to say the cow, not COWS. A bull cannot ’surprise’ more than one cow at a time you know.” “Yes he can!” replies his obstinate nephew, “He’s fucking the horse!”
During the ASEAN meeting, all PM of the ASEAN countries were present except for Goh Chok Tong who was represented by LKY.
During a conversation, Dr. Mahathir of Malaysia says, “I came up with a bright idea to produce Proton cars and with a initial investment of M$1 billion, we now make M$50 million a year. That is what I call Money Mind.”
Mr. Suharto of Indonesia says: “I am going to start a car manufacturing plant to produce our National car for only $500 million RP and it will generate $50 RP million a year. Isn’t that smarter.”
LKY of Singapore was not impress and say, “I told my Land Transport Minister to spend SGD$500 to buy a old printing machine and also made SGD$50 million a year.”
Everybody was taken aback and asks “What the fuck can you do with just SGD$500 only ?”
And LKY replied “I use the machine to print COE !!!”
A group of Asian women were visiting a village located in South Africa. They came across a booth selling human breast. One of the Asian lady asked the butcher, “Why are you selling women’s breast?” The butcher replied, “In Ouagadougou, we have found that consuming women’s breast can increase men’s sex drive, and enlarge the size of their penis.”
Hearing about the “enlarging the penis” the Asian woman was determined to buy some for her husband. She quickly asks the butcher for the price of the breast. “Well,” says the butcher, “It depends on what kind of breast you want. We have black breast, white breast, and Asian breast.”
“Give me the price of each!”, said the Asian lady impatiently. “The black breasts are $200 a pound,” the butcher says. “White breasts are $300 a pound, and the Asian breasts are $400 a pound.”
The Asian women were glad to hear that Asian breasts were the most expensive in the breast booth. “Hey, not bad! Asian breasts are worth more!”, said one of the Asian ladies.
“No no no, you don’t understand,” the butcher explains, “you don’t know how many Asian women we have to kill to get one pound of breast!”
A little old Asian lady goes to the doctor in China, and says, “Doctor I have this problem with gas, but it doesn’t bother me too much… my farts never smell, and they’re always quiet. But I’ve been doing it very often.”
The doctor asks her to explain more, and the old lady says, “In fact, I’ve farted at least 20 times since I’ve been here in your office. You probably didn’t know I was farting because they don’t smell and they’re silent.”
The doctor says, “I see, take these pills and come back to see me next week. “The next week the lady comes back.
“Doctor,” she says, “I don’t know what the heck you gave me, but now my farts…although still silent…stink terribly.”
The doctor says, “Good!!! Now that we’ve cleared up your sinuses, let’s work on your hearing.”
A stereotypical black guy steps out of the shower in a college
locker room. An Asian guy checks out his penis and says, “How come
yours is so huge? I would love to have one like that.”
The black guy laughs and says, “You can. Tie a heavy weight to it
for a couple of weeks. It’ll stretch and get big and look just
like mine.”
Two weeks later they meet again. The black guy asks, “Has it grown
any?”
The poor Asian guy responds, “It hasn’t grown at all yet - but it
has gone black!”
The story goes that there was this Asian lady married to an English gentleman and they lived in London. The poor lady was not very proficient in English, but managed to communicate with her husband.
The real problem arose whenever she had to shop for groceries. One day, she went to the butcher and wanted to buy pork legs. She didn’t know how to put forward her request, and in desperation, lifted up her skirt to show her thighs.
The butcher got the message and the lady went home with pork legs. The next day, she needed to get chicken breasts. Again, she didn’t know how to say, and so she unbuttoned her blouse to show the butcher her breast. The lady
got what she wanted.
The 3rd day, the poor lady needed to buy sausages. She brought her husband to the store…
(please scroll page down)
- Asian Breasts
A group of Asian women were visiting a village located in South Africa. They came across a booth sel...
- Fluctuations
An Asian guy walks into the New York City currency exchange with 2000 yen and walks out with $72. Ne...
- Asian Farts Don’t Stink
A little old Asian lady goes to the doctor in China, and says, “Doctor I have this problem with ga...
- Snacks
- Mississippi
