A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and one night he’s doing a show in a small club in a small town in Arkansas. With his dummy on his knee, he’s going through his usual dumb blonde jokes when a blonde woman in the fourth row stands on her chair and starts shouting: ”I’ve heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What does the color of a person’s hair have to do with her worth as a human being? It’s guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community and from reaching our full potential as a person, because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against, not only blondes, but women in general…and all in the name of humor!”
The ventriloquist is embarrassed and begins to apologize, when the blonde yells, ”You stay out of this, mister! I’m talking to that little jerk on your knee!”
A brunette, a redhead and a blonde are in a breast stroke race. The starter’s gun goes off and the three girls dive into the pool. The brunette and the redhead shoot across the pool and get out; 20 minutes later the blonde reaches the end and gets out. The judge says, “The gold medal goes to the brunette, the silver medal goes to the redhead, and the bronze goes to the blonde”. The blonde says, “I don’t want to be a sore loser, but I think the other girls were using their arms.”
A young man wanted to get his beautiful blonde wife
something nice for their first wedding anniversary.
So he decides to buy her a cell phone.
She is all excited, she loves her phone. He shows her
and explains to her all the features on the phone. The
next day the blonde goes shopping. Her phone rings and
it’s her husband, “Hi hun,”he says “how do you like your
new phone?”, she replies: “I just love, it’s so small
and your voice is clear as a bell but there’s one thing
I don’t understand though.” “What’s that, baby?” asks
the husband.
“How did you know I was at Wal-Mart?
Enjoy!!
Three women are about to be executed. One’s a brunette, one’s a
redhead, and one’s a blonde.
The guard brings the brunette forward and the executioner asks
if she has any last requests. She says no and the executioner
shouts, “Ready!…Aim!! …”
Suddenly the brunette yells, “EARTHQUAKE!!!” Everyone is
startled and looks around. She escapes.
The guard brings the redhead forward and the executioner asks
if she has any last requests. She says no and the executioner
shouts, “Ready! … Aim!!…”
Suddenly the redhead yells, “TORNADO!!!” Everyone is startled
and looks around. She escapes.
By now the blonde has it all figured out. The guard brings her
forward and the executioner asks if she has any last requests.
She says no and the executioner shouts, Ready! … Aim!! …”
…and the blonde yells, “FIRE!!!”
A blonde had a near death experience that changed her life forever. One day she went horseback riding. Everything was going fine until the horse started bouncing out of control.
She tried with all her might to hang on, but was thrown off. Just as she was plummeting towards the ground, her foot got caught in the stirrup. When this happened, she felt the top half of her body slam to the ground. Her head continued to bounce harder as the horse did not stop or even slow down.
Just as she was giving up hope and losing consciousness, the store manager came and unplugged it.
A blonde was speeding down the road in her Mercedes Benz when a blonde cop pulls her over and asks to see her driver’s license.
The Blonde driver asks, “What’s a driver’s license?”
“It’s a little square thing with your picture on it”, says the cop.
So, the blonde driver looks through her purse and she pulls out a compact mirror and gives it to the cop.
The blonde cop looks at it and laughs, “Well… if I would have know you were a cop, I never would have pulled you over!!”
A blonde was driving home one night when she suddenly found herself in the middle of a bad hail storm. The hailstones were the size of golf balls. Her car was dented beyond description.
The next day, she took it to a repair shop. Noticing that she was blonde, the technician decided to have some fun.
He told her to take the car home and blow real hard into the tailpipe and the dents would pop out.
When she got home, she started blowing into the tailpipe as she was instructed. At that moment, her blonde girlfriend drove by and saw her puffing on the tailpipe.
Thinking the worst, the friend was startled and said, “What are you doing?”
She said that the man at the body shop told her to blow into the tail pipe real hard and the dents would pop out.
Her girlfriend said, “Well, duhhhhhh! You need to roll up the windows first!”
Do you realize what I am?A blonde was telling her priest a Pollock joke, when halfway through the priest interrupts her, “Don’t you know I’m Polish?”"Oh, I’m sorry,” the blonde apologizes, “do you want me to start over and talk slower?”
A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports carand was pulled over by a woman police officer, who was also a blonde.The cop asked to see the blonde’s driver’s license. She dug through herpurse and was getting progressively more agitated.”What does it look like?” she finally asked.The policewoman replied, “It’s square and it has your picture on it.”The driver finally found a square mirror, looked at it and handed it tothe policewoman. “Here it is,” she said.The blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying,”Okay, you can go. I didn’t realize you were a cop.”
An airline captain was breaking in a very pretty new blonde stewardess; the route they were flying had a stay-over in another city. Upon their arrival the captain showed the stewardess the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight.The next morning as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day’s route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up, wondering what happened to her.She answered the phone, crying, and said she couldn’t get out of her room.”You can’t get out of your room?” the captain asked, “Why not?”The stewardess replied: “There are only three doors in here,” she sobbed, “one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a signon it that says ‘Do Not Disturb’!”
