THE FOLLOWING ARE ALL QUOTES FROM 11 YEAR OLDS’ SCIENCE EXAMS:
“Water is composed of two gins, Oxygin and Hydrogin. Oxygin is
pure gin. Hydrogin is gin and water.”
“When you breathe, you inspire. When you do not breathe, you
expire.”
“H20 is hot water, and CO2 is cold water.”
“To collect fumes of sulphur, hold down a deacon over a flame in
a test tube”
“When you smell an odourless gas, it is probably carbon
monoxide”
“Nitrogen is not found in Ireland because it is not found in a
free
state”
“Three kinds of blood vessels are arteries, vanes, and
caterpillars.”
“Blood flows down one leg and up the other.”
“Respiration is composed of two acts, first inspiration, and
then
expectoration.”
” The moon is a planet just like the earth, only it is even
deader
“Artificial insemination is when the farmer does it to the cow
instead of the bull.”
“Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them
and makes them perspire.”
“A super-saturated solution is one that holds more than it can
hold.”
“Mushrooms always grow in damp places and so they look like
umbrellas.”
“The body consists of three parts - the brainium, the borax and
the
abominable cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax
contains the heart and lungs, and the abominable cavity contains
the bowels, of which there are five - a, e, I, o and u.”
“Momentum: What you give a person when they are going away.”
“Planet: A body of earth surrounded by sky.”
“Rhubarb: a kind of celery gone bloodshot.”
“Vacuum: A large, empty space where the pope lives.”
“Before giving a blood transfusion, find out if the blood is
affirmative or negative.”
“To remove dust from the eye, pull the eye down over the nose.”
“For a nosebleed: put the nose much lower than the body until
the
heart stops.”
“For drowning: climb on top of the person and move up and down
to make Artificial Perspiration.”
“For Fainting: Rub the person’s chest or, if a lady, rub her arm
above the hand instead. Or put the head between the knees of
the
nearest medical doctor.”
“For dog bite: put the dog away for several days. If he has not
recovered, then kill it.”
“For asphyxiation: Apply artificial respiration until the
patient is
dead.”
“To prevent contraception: wear a condominium.”
“For head cold: use an agonizer to spray the nose until it drops
in
your throat.”
“To keep milk from turning sour: keep it in the cow.”
“The pistol of a flower is its only protection against insects.”
“The alimentary canal is located in the northern part of
Indiana.”
“The skeleton is what is left after the insides have been taken
out
and the outsides have been taken off. The purpose of the
skeleton
is something to hitch meat to.”
“A permanent set of teeth consists of eight canines, eight
cuspids,
two molars,and eight cuspidors.”
“The tides are a fight between the Earth and Moon. All water
tends
towards the moon, because there is no water in the moon, and
nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this
fight.”
“A fossil is an extinct animal. The older it is, the more
extinct it
is.”
“Equator: A managerie lion running around the Earth through
Africa.”
“Germinate: To become a naturalized German.”
“Liter: A nest of young puppies.”
“Magnet: Something you find crawling all over a dead cat.”
