Superior Jokes .com

MONDAY:

BREAKFAST - Who can eat breakfast on a Monday? Swallow some toothpaste while brushing your teeth

LUNCH - Send your secretary out for six “gutbombers” those little hamburgers that used to cost a dime but now cost sixty five cents. Also order French fries, a bowl of chili, a soft drink and have her stop on the way back for a family size bottle of maalox.

AFTERNOON SNACK - Drink the maalox

DINNER - Six pack of beer and Kentucky fried chicken three-piece dinner, don’t eat the coleslaw.

BREAKFAST - Eat the coleslaw

LUNCH - Go to the office vending machine and put ninety five cents in and close your eyes, push a button and eat whatever comes out swallowing it whole to prevent nausea.

DINNER - Four tacos and a pitcher of Sangria at El Flasho’s.

BREAKFAST - Jaws couldn’t eat breakfast after a night at El Flasho’s

LUNCH - Rolaids and a coke

DINNER - Drop in at a married friends house and beg for scraps

BREAKFAST - Order out for pizza

LUNCH - Your secretary is out sick, check Mondays gutbomber sack for leftovers.

DINNER - Go to a bar and drink yourself silly, when you get hungry ask the bartender for olives.

BREAKFAST - Eggs, sausage, and an English muffin at McDonalds. Eat the Styrofoam plate and leave the food. It tastes better and it’s better for you.

LUNCH - Skip lunch, Fridays are murder

DINNER - Steak, well-done, baked potato, and asparagus. Don’t eat the asparagus, nobody really likes asparagus.

BREAKFAST - Sleep through it.

LUNCH - Ditto

DINNER - Steak, Well done, baked potato, and brussel sprouts. Dont eat the Brussel Sprouts. Take them home and plant them in a hanging basket.

BREAKFAST - Three Bloody Marys and half a Twinkie.

LUNCH - Eat Lunch? Waste a good buzz? Dont eat Lunch.

DINNER - Chicken noodle soup - Call your mom and ask her about renting your old room.

Food quotes, quips, and thoughts . . .

“Artichokes … are just plain annoying … After all the trouble you go to, you get about as much actual ‘food’ out of eating an artichoke as you would rom licking thirty or forty postage stamps. Have the shrimp cocktail instead.” — Miss Piggy

“The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for 30 years she served the family nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found.” –Sam Levinson

“This recipe is certainly silly. It says to separate two eggs, but it doesn’t say how far to separate them.” — Gracie Allen

“I’ve been on a constant diet for the last two decades. I’ve lost a total of 789 pounds. By all accounts, I should be hanging from a charm bracelet.” — Erma Bombeck

“I told my doctor I get very tired when I go on a diet, so he gave me pep pills. Know what happened? I ate faster.” — Joe E. Lewis

“I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead — not sick, not wounded — dead.” — Woody Allen

“Food is an important part of a balanced diet.” — Fran Lebowitz

“Health food makes me sick.” — Calvin Trillin

“Watermelon — it’s a good fruit. You eat, you drink, you wash your face.” — Enrico Caruso

“Old people shouldn’t eat health foods. They need all the preservatives they can get.” — Robert Orben

About 85% of women are responsible for cooking the family dinner, and 84% wish they didn’t have to.