Two lawyers were out hunting when they came upon a couple of tracks. After close examination, the first lawyer declared them to be deer tracks. The second lawyer disagreed, insisting they must be elk tracks.
They were still arguing when the train hit them.
A man who had been caught embezzling millions from his employer went to a lawyer seeking defense. He didn?t want to go to jail. But his lawyer told him, “Don?t worry. You?ll never have to go to jail with all that money.? And the lawyer was right. When the man was sent to prison, he didn?t have a dime.
A lawyer was visiting a farmer on business, when he stepped out
of his Mercedes in the farmyard he stepped into a cow
dropping. Looking down he cried “my god I’m melting!”
A group of Arab Terrorists burst into the conference room at the Ramada Inn where the American Bar Association was holding its Annual Convention. More than a hundred lawyers were taken as hostages.
The terrorist leader announced that, unless their demands were met, they would release one lawyer every hour.
Bob calls the law office and says: “I want to talk to my lawyer.”
The receptionist replies, “I’m sorry Bob, but he died last week.”
The next day Bob calls again and asks the same question. The receptionist replies, “Bob, I told you yesterday, he died last week.”
The next day Bob calls for the third time and asks to speak to his lawyer. By this time the receptionist is getting a little annoyed and says, “Bob! I keep telling you, your lawyer died last week. Why do you keep calling?!!”
Bob replies, “Because I just love hearing it!”
You Might Be A Lawyer If….You are charging someone for reading these jokes. The shortest sentence you have ever written was more than eighty words long. You have a daughter named Sue and a son named Bill. Your other car is a BMW. When you look in a mirror, you see a lawyer. When your wife says “I love you,” you cross-examine her.
The two partners in a law firm were having lunch when suddenly one of them jumped up and said, “I have to go back to the office - I forgot to lock the safe!”The other partner replied, “What are you worried about? We’re both here.”
A doctor was vacationing at the seashore with his family. Suddenly, he spotted a fin sticking up in the water and fainted. “Darling, it was just a shark,” assured his wife when he came to. “You’ve got to stop imagining that there are lawyers everywhere.”
St. Peter is questioning three married couples to see if they qualify for admittance to heaven.”Why do you deserve to pass the Pearly Gates?” he asks one of the men, who had been a butler.”I was a good father,” he answers.”Yes, but you were a drunk all your life. In fact, you were so bad you even married a woman named Sherry. No admittance.”St. Peter then turned to the next man, a carpenter, and asked him the same question.The carpenter replied that he had worked hard and taken good care of his family.But St. Peter also rejected him, pointing out that he had been an impossible glutton, so much so that he married a woman named BonBon.At this point the third man, who had been a lawyer, stood up and said, “Come on, Penny, let?s get out of here.”
|A barber gave a haircut to a priest one day. The priest tried to pay for the haircut, but the barber refused, saying, “you do God?s work.” The next morning the barber found a dozen bibles at the door to his shop.A policeman came to the barber for a haircut, and again the barber refused to pay, saying, “you protect the public.” The next morning the barber found a dozen doughnuts at the door to his shop.A lawyer came to the barber for a haircut, and again the barber refused payment, saying, “you serve the justice system.” The next morning the barber found a dozen lawyers waiting for a free haircut.
