Superior Jokes .com

A certain lawyer was quite wealthy and had a summer house in the country, to which he retreated for several weeks of the year. Each summer, the lawyer would invite a different friend of his (no, that’s not the punch line) to spend a week or two up at this place, which happened to be in a backwoods section of Maine. On one particular occasion, he invited a Czechoslovakian friend to stay with him. The friend, eager to get a freebee off a lawyer, agreed. Well, they had a splendid time in the country - rising early and living in the great outdoors. Early one morning, the lawyer and his Czechoslovakian companion went out to pick berries for their morning breakfast. As they went around the berry patch, gathering blueberries and raspberries in tremendous quantities, along came two huge Bears - a male and a female.Well, the lawyer, seeing the two bears, immediately dashed for cover. His friend, though, wasn’t so lucky, and the male bear reached him and swallowed him whole.The lawyer ran back to his Mercedes, tore into town as fast has he could, and got the local backwoods sheriff. The sheriff grabbed his shotgun and dashed back to the berry patch with the lawyer.Sure enough, the two bears were still there. “He’s in THAT one!” cried the lawyer, pointing to the male, while visions of lawsuits from his friend’s family danced in his head. He just had to save his friend. The sheriff looked at the bears, and without batting an eye, leveled his gun, took careful aim, and SHOT THE FEMALE.”Whatdya do that for!” exclaimed the lawyer, “I said he was in the other!”"Exactly,” replied the sheriff, “and would YOU believe a lawyer who told you that the Czech was in the Male?”

An airliner was having engine trouble, and the pilot instructed the cabin crew to have the passengers take their seats and get prepared for an emergency landing.A few minutes later, the pilot asked the flight attendants if everyone was buckled in and ready.”All set back here, Captain,” came the reply, “except one lawyer who is still going around passing out business cards.”

You are charging someone for reading these jokes. You believe that a forty words’ sentence is a short one. You have a daughter named Sue and a son named Bill. You can look at a contract and instantly tell whether it’s verbal or written.Your other car is a BMW. When you look in a mirror, you see a lawyer. When your wife says “I

A woman went to her doctor for advice. She told the physician that her husband had developed a penchant for anal sex, and she wasn’t sure it was such a good idea. The doctor asked, “Do you enjoy it?” She said that she did. He asked, “Does it hurt you?” She said no. The doctor then told her, “Well, then, there’s no reason that you shouldn’t practice anal sex, if that’s what you like, so long as you take care not to get pregnant.” The woman was mystified. She asked, “You can get pregnant from anal sex?” The doctor replied, “Of course. Where do you think lawyers come from?”

Two lawyers were out hunting when they came upon a couple of tracks. After close examination, the first lawyer declared them to be deer tracks. The second lawyer disagreed, insisting they must be elk tracks.

They were still arguing when the train hit them.

A man who had been caught embezzling millions from his employer went to a lawyer seeking defense. He didn?t want to go to jail. But his lawyer told him, “Don?t worry. You?ll never have to go to jail with all that money.? And the lawyer was right. When the man was sent to prison, he didn?t have a dime.

A lawyer was visiting a farmer on business, when he stepped out
of his Mercedes in the farmyard he stepped into a cow
dropping. Looking down he cried “my god I’m melting!”

A group of Arab Terrorists burst into the conference room at the Ramada Inn where the American Bar Association was holding its Annual Convention. More than a hundred lawyers were taken as hostages.

The terrorist leader announced that, unless their demands were met, they would release one lawyer every hour.

Bob calls the law office and says: “I want to talk to my lawyer.”

The receptionist replies, “I’m sorry Bob, but he died last week.”

The next day Bob calls again and asks the same question. The receptionist replies, “Bob, I told you yesterday, he died last week.”

The next day Bob calls for the third time and asks to speak to his lawyer. By this time the receptionist is getting a little annoyed and says, “Bob! I keep telling you, your lawyer died last week. Why do you keep calling?!!”

Bob replies, “Because I just love hearing it!”

You Might Be A Lawyer If….You are charging someone for reading these jokes. The shortest sentence you have ever written was more than eighty words long. You have a daughter named Sue and a son named Bill. Your other car is a BMW. When you look in a mirror, you see a lawyer. When your wife says “I love you,” you cross-examine her.