Superior Jokes .com

An elderly couple were celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary, so they decided to return to the little town where they first met. They sat in a small coffee shop in the town and were telling the waitress about their love for each other and how they met at this same spot. Sitting next to them was the local cop and he smiled as the old couple spoke.

After the waitress left the table, the old man said to his wife: “Remember the first time we made love, it was up in that field across the road, when I put you against the fence. Why don’t we do it again for old times sake?”

The wife giggled like crazy and said, “Sure, why not.”

So off they went out the door and across to the field. The cop smiled to himself, thinking how romantic this was and decided he better keep an eye on the couple so they didn’t run into any harm.

The old couple walked to the field and as they approached the fence they began to undress. The old man picked up his wife when they were naked and leaned her against the fence.

The cop was watching from the bushes and was surprised at what he saw. With the vitality of youth, the wife bounced up and down excitedly, while the husband thrashed around like a wild man, then they both fell to the ground in exhaustion.

Eventually, they stood up,shook themselves, and got dressed. As they walked back towards the road. The cop stepped from his hiding spot and said, “That is the most wonderful love making I have ever seen. You must have been a wild couple when you were young.”

“Not really,” said the old man, “when we were young, that fence wasn’t electric.”

Two mates are having a chat over a beer.”Do you like sheilas with bad body odour and bad breath?”one bloke asks his friend.”No way!” his mate replies.”Well,” says the first bloke,”do you like pussies you could hide a watermelon in?”"Fuck no!” his mate replies.”Well,” says the first bloke,”what the hell are you doing fuckin’ around with my wife?”

A guy out on the golf course takes a high speed ball right in the crotch.Writhing in agony, he falls to the ground. He finally gets himself to thedoctor. He says, “How bad is it doc? I’m going on my honeymoon next week and my fiancee is still a virgin.” The doc said, “I’ll have to put your penis in a splint to let it heal and keep it straight. It should be okay next week.” So he took four tongue depressors and formed a neat little 4-sided splint, held together with surgical wire. It was an impressive work of art. The guy mentions none of this to his girlfriend. They marry and on their honeymoon night in the motel room, she rips open her blouse to reveal a gorgeous set of breasts. This was the first time he ever saw them. She says, “You are the first, no one has ever touched these breasts.”He pulls down his pants, whips out his splinted cock and says, “Look at this beauty, it’s still in the CRATE!”

Harry and his wife are driving in the country when he sees a sign that says, “Cow For Sale…$5000.” He pulls in and says to the farmer, “There’s no cow in the world worth five thousand dollars.” The farmer says, Oh, yeah? Take a look at this.” He lifts the cow’s tail, and Harry sees the cow has a snatch just like a woman. Harry gets back in the car, turns to his wife, and says, “It’s just not fair. Here’s this farmer with a cow with a snatch like a woman, and it’s worth $5000, and here I am, with you, with a snatch like a cow, and you’re not worth shit.”

The young playboy took a blind date to an amusementpark. They went for a ride on the Ferris wheel. Theride completed, she seemed rather bored. “What would you like to do next?” he asked. “I wanna be weighed,” she said. So the young mantook her over to the weight guesser.”One-twelve,” said the man at the scale, and he wasabsolutely right. Next they rode the roller coaster. After that, hebought her some popcorn and cotton candy, then he askedwhat else she would like to do. “I wanna be weighed,” she said. I really latched onto a square one tonight, thoughtthe young man, and using the excuse he had developed aheadache, he took the girl home. The girl’s mother was surprised to see her home soearly, and asked, “What’s wrong, dear, didn’t you have anice time tonight?” “Wousy,” said the girl.

So this guy was out on his front lawn flying a kite,he was really having a difficult time. The kite wasswinging wildly, not exactly what you’d describe asstable, so his wife sticks her head out the door andsays, “Gee Ralph, it looks like you need more tail.” Ralph replies “Make up your goddamn mind, last nightyou told me to go fly a kite!”

A man had a flat tire on a very cold winter day. He told his girlfriend he’d have it fixed in no time. However as it was very cold his hands kept getting cold. He askedhis girl if he could put his hands between her knees to warm them. She said that would be allright. After getting his hands warm hewent back to fixing the tire but it was so cold he could notcontinue so he again asked his girl if he could warm his hands.She again said it would be allright. When his hands were warm hewent back to fixing the tire once more. But before he been outthere five minutes or so he again asked her if he could warm hishands.His girl asked “Honey don’t your ears ever get cold?”

She: What do you love most, my natural beauty or my body?He: Your sense of humor.

Mrs. Culpepper was almost in tears. “Oh Marie,” she said to her maid, “I have reason to suspect that my husband ishaving an affair with his secretary.”"I don’t believe it for one minute !” Marie snapped.”You’re just saying that to make me jealous !!!”

Mrs. Culpepper was almost in tears. “Oh Marie,” she said to her maid, “I have reason to suspect that my husband ishaving an affair with his secretary.”"I don’t believe it for one minute !” Marie snapped.”You’re just saying that to make me jealous !!!”