Teacher to a student: “Can you think of a solution to end unemployment?”"Yes, sir! I’d put all the men on one island and the women on another.”"And what would they be doing then?”"Building boats!”
Q: What do college students and deer have in common?A: They both stand in the middle of the road and stare at your headlights.
Q: What do Bin Laden and Hiroshima have in common? A: Nothing, yet.
A kid called up his mom from his college and asked her for some money, because he ran out of it. His mom said, “Sure, sweetie. I’ll will send you some money. You also left your calculus book here when you visited 2 weeks ago. Do you want me to send that up too?”"Uhh, oh yeah, okay,” responded the kid.So his mom wrapped the book along with the checks up in a package and went to the post office to mail the money and the book.When she gets back, her husband asked, “Well how much did you give the boy his time?”She said, “Oh, I wrote 2 checks, one for $20 and the other for $1000 out to him.”"That’s $1020!” yelled her husband. Are you crazy?”"Don’t worry, Hon,” she said. “I taped the $20 check to the cover of his book, but I put the $1000 one somewhere between the pages in chapter 19!”
10. It doesn’t bother me at all that my college roommate is making $80,000 a year on Wall Street. 9. I’d be delighted to proofread your book/chapter/article. 8. My work has a lot of practical importance. 7. I wouldn’t never date an undergraduate. 6. Your latest article was so inspiring. 5. I turned down a lot of great job offers to come here. 4. I just have on more book to read and then I’ll start writing. 3. The department is giving me so much support. 2. My job prospects look really good. 1. No really, I’ll be out of here in only two more years
Here’s the story: I’m in McDonald’s, I ask for a medium coke. I’m told, “We don’t have medium.” I say, “Fine, what do you have?” The braniac at the counter says, “We only have small, large, and supersize.” I give him a stupid look and say, “Just give me the one in the middle.”
Q: How many graduate students does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: Only one, but it may take upwards of five years for him to get it done.
A visiting professor at the University of Alabama is giving a seminar on the supernatural. To get a feel for his audience, he asks: “How many people here believe in ghosts?” About 90 students raise their hands.”Well that’s a good start. Out of those of you who believe in ghosts, do any of you think you’ve ever seen a ghost?” About 40 students raise their hands.”That’s really good. I’m really glad you take this seriously. Has anyone here ever talked to a ghost?15 students raise their hands.”That’s a great response. Has anyone here ever touched a ghost?”3 students raise their hands.”That’s fantastic. But let me ask you one question further… Have any of you ever made love to a ghost?One student in the back raises his hand.The professor is astonished. He takes off glasses, takes a step back, and says, “Son, all the years I’ve been giving this lecture, no one has ever claimed to have slept with a ghost. You’ve got to come up here and tell us about your experience.The redneck student replies with a nod and begins to make his way up to the podium. The professor says, “Well, tell us what it’s like to have sex with a ghost.The student replies, “Ghost?!?” “Dang it, I thought you said ”GOATS.”
An examination in anatomy. The professor asks a student:”What is the function of muscles cremaster (the muscle, lifting the testicle)?”"Lifts the testicle.”"And more?”"Well, I am not sure… But if the testicle is squeezed by a door, it goggles the eyes, puts out the tongue and makes the vocal cords shout A-a-a-a…”
Did you hear about the Louisiana Tech professor who stood in front of a mirror for two hours, wondering where he’d seen himself before?
