Superior Jokes .com

An Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman are all to give speeches to the Deaf and Dumb Society. All are keen to make an impression on their audience. The Englishman goes first and to the surprise of his colleagues starts by rubbing first his chest, and then his groin. When he finishes the Scotsman and Irishman ask him what he was doing.

“Well” he explained “By rubbing my chest I indicated breasts and thus Ladies, and by rubbing my groin I indicated balls and thus Gentlemen. So my speech started: ‘Ladies and Gentlemen’ “.

On his way up to the podium the Scotsman thought to himself I’ll go one better than that English bastard!’ and started his speech by making an antler symbol with his fingers above his head before also rubbing his chest and his groin. When he finished his colleagues asked what he was doing.

“Well” he explained “By imitating antlers and then rubbing my chest and groin I was starting my speech by saying ‘Dear Ladies and Gentlemen’ “.

On his way up to the podium the Irishman thought to himself ” I’ll go one further than those mainland bastards!’ and started his speech by making an antler symbol above his head, rubbing his chest, and then his groin, and then masturbating furiously. When he finished his colleagues asked him what he was doing.

“Well” he explained,” by imitating antlers, rubbing my chest and then my groin and then masturbating I was starting my speech by saying ‘Dear Ladies and Gentlemen, it gives me great pleasure…….”

There were these two statues in a park; one of a nude man and one of a nude woman. They had been facing each other across a pathway for a hundred years, when one day an angel comes down from the sky and, with a single gesture, brings the two to life.

The angel tells them, “As a reward for being so patient through the hundred blazing summers and dismal winters, you have been given life for thirty minutes to do what you’ve wished to do the most.”

He looks at her, she looks at him and they go running behind the shrubbery. The angel waits patiently as the bushes rustle and the giggling ensues. After fifteen minutes, the two return, out of breath and laughing.

The angel tells them, “Um, you have fifteen minutes left. Would you care to do it again ?”
He asks her, “Shall we ?”
She eagerly replies, “Oh yes, let’s! But let’s change positions.

This time, I’ll hold the pigeon down and you shit on its head !”