There were three guys sitting behind three nuns at a football game. The men decided to antagonize the nuns, to get them to move. So the first guy says to the others (loud enough for the women ahead to hear), “I think I want to move to California, there are only 100 Catholics living there.”
The second guy speaks up and says, “I want to move to Washington, there are only 50 Catholics living there.” The third guy speaks up and says, “I want to move to Idaho, there are only 25 Catholics living there.”
One of the nuns turns around, looks the third guy in the eye and calmly says, “Why don’t you go to hell? There aren’t any Catholics there.”
Kempo: Percussion class with people as the drums.
Aikido: Origami with people.
Tai Chi: Martial arts overdosed on Valium.
“Someone once told me that my Tai Chi would only be useful in fighting NFL replays.”
“I once described Tai Chi to my fellow classmates as being just like standing still, only faster.”
“The idea of Taiji is to yield to your opponent’s attack. In most cases the yielding seems to be so pronounced that the idea must be to play on the opponent’s pity.”
Mike Tyson was terribly overweight, so his doctor put him on a diet. “I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for two weeks. The next time I see you, you will have lost at least five pounds.”
When Mike Tyson returned, he shocked the doctor by losing nearly twenty pounds. “Why, that’s amazing!” the doctor said. “Did you follow my instructions?”
Mike Tyson nodded and said, “I’ll tell you though, Doc, I thought I was going to drop dead that third day.”
“From hunger, you mean?” asked the doctor. To which Tyson answered, “No, Doc, from skipping.”
- Skipping
A blonde is overweight, so her doctor puts her on a diet.
"I want you to eat regularly for two da...
- From skipping
Mike Tyson was terribly overweight, so his doctor put him on a diet. "I want
you to eat regularly f...
- Because I’m Blonde?
A girl came skipping home from school one day.
"Mommy, Mommy," she yelled, "we were counting toda...
- Blonde and Mum
- Because I’m Blonde?
It’s legal to play hockey professionally.
The puck is always hard.
The protective equipment is reusable.
It lasts a full hour.
You know you’re finished when the buzzer sounds.
Periods last only 20 minutes.
A 2-on-1 and a 3-on-1 is not uncommon.
You can count on it at least twice a week.
Your parents cheer when you score.
You can tell your friends about it afterwards.
Q. What do you call a Manchester United fan with half a brain?
A: Gifted.
Harald Brattbakk’s wife wanted him locked up - she had had enough of the eejit.
So she went to the police and told them: “Please Help, my husband has been hitting me.”
The Police gave sound advice: “Ma’m, don’t worry. Just carry a goalpost in each hand - I guarantee he’ll never hit you.”
three surgeons were arguing about who was the best surgeon.
the first said,攊 reattached a severed arm on a man who went on to become one of the best pitchers in the major league.”
the second said,攊 reattached a severed leg on a man who went on to become one of the best place kickers in the nfl.”
the third surgeon could not be out done. he said,攊 once stitched a mustache to an a****** and he went on to become a seven time winston cup champion!”
Did you know racecar spelled backwards is racecar?
Who says NASCAR isn’t educational?
Why don’t the Amish water ski?
The horses would drown.
- Amish water
Why don't the Amish water ski?
The horses would drown.
- Amish couple
Hear about the Amish couple that was getting a divorce after 55 years of
marriage? The wife told th...
- Fix It
An Amish lady is trotting down the road in her horse and buggy when she is pulled over by a cop. "Ma...
- Amish girl
- Amish Computer Scandal
Q: What do you call a drug ring in Dallas?
A: A huddle.
Q: Four Dallas Cowboys in a car, who’s driving?
A: The police.
Q: Why can’t Michael Irvin get into a huddle on the field anymore?
A: It is a parole violation for him to associate with known felons.
The Dallas newspapers reported yesterday that Texas Stadium is going to take out the artificial turf because the cowboys play better on “grass.”
The Dallas Cowboys adopted a new “Honor System”, Yes your Honor, No your Honor.
The Cowboys had a 12 and 5 season this year, 12 arrests, 5 convictions.
The Cowboys knew they had to do something for their defense, so they hired a new defensive coordinator: Johnny Cochran
Q: How do the Dallas Cowboys spend their first week at spring training?
A: Studying their Miranda Rights.
