Superior Jokes .com

Leroy is an 18 year old ninth grader who is becoming increasingly disillusioned with the public school system. One day, Leroy got an easy homework assignment. All he had to do was put each of the following vocabulary words in a sentence. Here’s what he wrote.
1. HOTEL - I gave my girlfriend da crabs and the HOTEL everybody.

2. RECTUM - I had two Cadillacs, but my ol’ lady RECTUM both.

3. DISAPPOINTMENT - My parole officer tol me if I miss DISAPPOINTMENT they gonna send me back to the big house.

4. FORECLOSE - If I pay alimony this month, I’ll have no money FORCLOSE.

5. CATACOMB - Don King was at the fight the other night, Man, somebody give that CATACOMB.

6. PENIS - I went to da doctor and he handed me a cup and said PENIS.

7. ISRAEL - Alonso tried to sell me a Rolex, I said Man, that looks fake. He said, No, ISRAEL.

8. UNDERMINE - There is a fine lookin’ hoe livin’ in the apartment UNDERMINE.

9. TRIPOLI - I was gonna buy my old lady a bra but I couldn’t find no TRIPOLI.

10. STAIN - My mother-in-law axed if I was STAIN for dinner again.

11. SELDOM - My cousin gave me two tickets to the Knicks game, so I SELDOM.

12. ODYSSEY - I told my bro, you ODYSSEY the tits on this hoe.

13. HORDE - My sister got into trouble because she HORDE around in school.

14. INCOME - I just got in bed wit dis hoe and INCOME my wife.

15. HONOR - At the rape trial, the judge axed my buddy, who be HONOR first?

16. FORTIFY - I axed da hoe how much? And she say FORTIFY.

Juan comes up to the Mexican border on his bicycle. He has two large bags over his shoulders. The guard stops him and says, “What’s in the bags?”
“Sand,” answered Juan.

The guard says, “We’ll just see about that. Get off the bike.” The guard takes the bags and rips them apart; he empties them out and finds nothing in them but sand. He detains Juan overnight and has the sand analyzed, only to discover that there is nothing but pure sand in the bags The guard releases Juan, puts the sand into new bags, hefts them onto the man’s shoulders, and lets him cross the border.

A week later, the same thing happens. The guard asks, “What have you got?”

“Sand,” says Juan.

The guard does his thorough examination and discovers that the bags contain nothing but sand. He gives the sand back to Juan, and Juan crosses the border on his bicycle.

This sequence of events if repeated every day for three years. Finally, Juan doesn’t show up one day and the guard meets him in a Cantina in Mexico.

“Hey, Buddy,” says the guard, “I know you are smuggling something. It’s driving me crazy. It’s all I think about….. I can’t sleep. Just between you and me, what are you smuggling?”

Juan sips his beer and says, “Bicycles.”

The beautiful secretary of the president of the Chase Manhattan Bank goes on a sight-seeing tour with a very rich Taiwanese client. The client out of the blue asks her to marry him. Naturally, the secretary is quite taken aback. However, she remembers what her boss told her; “Don’t reject the guy outright.”
So, she tries to think of a way to dissuade the businessman from wanting to marry her. So, after a few minutes, the woman says to the man, “I will only marry you under three conditions. First, I want my engagement ring to be a 75 carat diamond ring, with a matching 200 carat diamond tiara.” The Taiwanese man pauses for awhile. Then, he nods his head and says “No problem!! I buy. I buy.”

Realizing that her first condition was too easy, the woman says to the man, “I want you to build me a 100 room mansion in New York. And as a vacation home, I want a chateau built in the middle of the best wine country in France.” The man pauses for awhile. He whips out his cellular phone, calls some brokers in New York, then he calls some brokers in France. He looks at the woman, nods his head and says, “Okay, okay. I build, I build.”

Realizing that she has one last condition, the secretary knows that she’d better make this a good one. She takes her time to think and finally, she gets an idea. A sure-to-work condition. She squints her eyes, looks at the man and says, rather coldly, “Since I like sex, I want the man I marry to have a 12-inch penis.” The man seems a bit disturbed. He cups his face with his hands and rests his elbows on the table. All the while, he’s uttering something in Chinese. Finally, after what seemed like forever, the man shakes his head, and looking really sad, says to the woman, “Okay, okay. I cut. I cut.”