Golf in hell

Having led an interestingly dissolute life composed largely of women, drinking, gambling and golf, but not necessarily in that order, at the end of it, the new arrival was not too surprised to find himself in hell. He was however quite surprised to find that his particular corner of Hades was an eighteen-hole golf course complete with gentle woods, a cooly serene lake, well kept fairways, an immaculate green and a clubhouse with the usual professional’s shop. The reprobate’s delight was complete when he read the shop’s notice.

HELP YOURSELF. ALL EQUIPMENT FREE.

“Well, this is going to be tough to take,” he leered as he chose a bag containing perfectly matched clubs. So laden he ambled to the first tee where he took out a driver, gave a delighted practice swing and then felt in the ball pocket. It was empty. He was about to return to the shop to remedy the situation when he noticed a grinning figure in red.

“Don’t mind me,” the grin grew wider, “and don’t bother going back for balls. There aren’t any. That’s the hell of it!”

Mothers Day

Bill, Ralph, and Fred gathered for a round of golf on Mother’s Day. The men were quite surprised at being “let go” for the day, and each wanted to know how the other got away from their wife.

Fred said, “I purchased a dozen red roses for my wife, and she was so happy that she let me go.”

Ralph said, “I purchased a diamond ring for my wife, and she was so thrilled with me that she let me go.”

Bill said, “I woke up this morning, rolled over, looked at my wife, and said to her: `Golf course or inter-course,’ and she said: ‘I’ll put your clubs in the car’.”

Why are you fighting

Watching from the Club house overlooking the 10 green, we saw a foursome approaching. Having marked their balls, suddenly one of the guys fell down and the three others started a fist fight.

The Golf Captain stormed out from the Club house to separate the fighting men.

“Why are you fighting?” he asked “You see,” said one of them, “my partner had a stroke and died just now, and these buggers want to include it on the scorecard.”