Superior Jokes .com

First Guy: “You have no idea what I had to do to be able to come out golfing this weekend. I had to promise my wife that I will paint every room in the house next weekend.”

Second Guy: “That’s nothing, I had to promise my wife that I will build her a new deck for the pool.”

Third Guy: “Man, you both have it easy! I had to promise my wife that I will remodel the kitchen for her.”

They continue to play the hole when they realized that the fourth guy has not said a word. So they ask him. “You haven’t said anything about what you had to do to be able to come golfing this weekend. What’s the deal?”

Fourth Guy: “I just set my alarm for 5:30am. When it goes off, I shut off my alarm, give the wife a budge and say, ‘Golf Course or Intercourse?’ So she says, ‘Wear your sweater.’”

A couple of rednecks are out in the woods hunting when one of them
suddenly grabs his chest and falls to the ground. He doesn’t seem to
be breathing and his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy
whips out his cell phone and calls 911.
He gasps to the operator, “I think Bubba is dead! What should I do?”

The operator, in a calm soothing voice says, “Just take it easy and
follow my instructions. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.”

There is a silence, and then a shot is heard.
The guy’s voice comes back on the line,

“Okay, he’s dead.”

A young lad goes to the pharmacy to purchase some condoms. He’s got a date this weekend and wants to be prepared…”Just in case.” He looks around and doesn’t quite know what to make of all the various packages, and finally asks a clerk for some help.

“Sure, I can help you”, says the clerk. “What do you want to know?”

“Well,” replies the lad, “I have a date this weekend, and want to be prepared…just in case, you know? But I’ve never bought condoms before and I don’t quite know what I should be getting.”

“Well,” says the clerk, “this here is a 3-pack of condoms. That should do you just fine.”

“Why 3?”, says the lad. “Well, one for Friday, one for Saturday, and an extra just in case one breaks,” replies the clerk.

“Hmm….what’s this 7-pack for?”, says the lad.

“That’s for if the relationship goes past the weekend. One for every day of the week.” says the clerk.

“Oh my, then what’s this 12-pack for?”, says the lad.

“Oh. You don’t need that,” says the clerk.

“Well why not?”, says the lad. “Seems to be more economical.”

“Well,” says the clerk, “That’s for the married men. One for January, one for February, one for March….”