Superior Jokes .com

It was the week after Christmas and all through the house,
Not one pc was working not even a mouse.
I turned on the power but nothing was working,
I grab the computer and start banging and jerking.

I laid out three grand for this big piece of junk,
On January 1st the damn thing went “kerplunk”!
When I threw it out the window it made such a clatter,
My neighbor just called to see what’s the matter.

I turned on the TV the cable is down,
My microwave oven is making weird sounds.
My new VCR is as dead as a rock,
Not one light is blinking not even the clock.

It’s twenty below the peak of snow season,
The furnace won’t work the pipes are all freezing,
This couldn’t have happened at a worse time,
I think I have frostbite on my behind.

I laughed for a second and thought it all funny,
Then a call from my bank in regards to my money.
“We managed your pension and savings with care,
But for some odd reason your money’s not there.

I drop the receiver to the bathroom I rush,
I push down the handle the toilet won’t flush.
I turned on the faucet not one drop hits the sink,
I head out the door to the pub for a drink.

I jump in the car turn the key in the switch,
It only goes “click” I scream, “son of a bitch!”
A computerized ignition has just sealed my fate,
Not set up for the “2000″ date.

I twitch like a madman this cannot be true,
No car, heat, or money what the hell can I do.
Shouting obscenities as I ran out of sight,
Happy y2k to all it’s been one hell of a night!

What do you call ten blondes at the bottom of a pool?

An air bubble.

A young man, who was also an avid golfer, found himself with a few hours to spare one afternoon. He figured if he hurried and played very fast, he could get in 9 holes before he had to head home. Just as he was about to tee off, an old gentleman shuffled onto the tee and asked if he could accompany the young man as he was golfing alone. Not being able to say no, he allowed the old man to join him.

To his surprise, the old man played fairly quickly. He didn’t hit the ball far, but plodded along consistently and didn’t waste much time.

Finally, they reached the 9th fairway and the young man found himself with a tough shot. There was a large pine tree right in front of his ball and directly between his ball and the green.

After several minutes of debating how to hit the shot, the old man finally said, “You know, when I was your age, I’d hit the ball right over that tree.”

With that challenge placed before him, the youngster swung hard, hit the ball up, right smack into the top of the tree trunk and it thudded back on the ground not a foot from where it had originally lay.

The old man offered one more comment, “Of course, when I was your age, that pine tree was only 3 feet tall.”