Superior Jokes .com

My computer crashed and died today
And I thought, “oh well what the hey”
Now I’d have time to clean my house
And see if I still had a spouse

It started out with weird frustrations
Combined with mild heart palpitations
And then my ankles began to swell
Withdrawal symptoms from no AOL

Chills ran up and down my spine
Oh, God I had to get on-line
To greet my buds and check my mail
I began to feel helpless and frail

Then I remembered the Good Guy’s Store
And all those computers by the door
I’d go there and when alone
With no one looking I’d sign-on

I stepped up to a computer, clicked on AOL
The Sign-On screen came up, man it sure looked swell
I clicked on the Guest name, then came the modem sound
I was having cold-sweats, as my heart began to pound

Then I typed my password, and the computer said, “Goodbye”
And that’s what I kept hearing each time that I would try.
This was just an evil plot, the store was playing tricks
If only they had known how bad I need my AOL fix

I …slowly… typed… my… password… then…I… stood….and…waited
The darned thing said , “Goodbye” again and I got real frustrated
That’s when I shoved the keyboard thru the monitor screen
And the last thing I remember is my loud shrieking scream

When I woke I was handcuffed being booked
I think I asked the data entry cop, if he’d get me a drink
Now I’m sitting in his chair, and I know I can get well
If I can just use his computer to sign on AOL.

Two boys are playing football in Central Park when one is attacked by a rabid rottweiler. Thinking quickly, the other boy rips a board off of a nearby fence, wedges it down the dog’s collar and twists, breaking the dog’s neck.
A reporter strolling by sees the incident, and rushes over to interview the boy.

“Young Giants Fan Saves Friend From Vicious Animal,” he writes in his notebook.

“But I’m not a Giants fan,” the little hero replies.

“Sorry, since we are in New York, I just assumed you were,” says the reporter.

“Little Jets Fan Rescues Friend From Horrific Attack,” he writes in his notebook.

“I’m not a Jets fan either,” the boy says.

“I assumed everyone in New York was either for the Giants or Jets. What team do you root for?” the reporter asks.

“I’m a Cowboys fan,” the child says.

The reporter starts a new sheet in his notebook and writes, “Little Redneck Maniac Kills Beloved Family Pet”.

Bug’s End
Q: What’s the last thing that goes through a bugs mind when it hits your windshield?
A: It’s ass.