Why don’t the Amish water ski?
The horses would drown.
THE COURT: Now, as we begin, I must ask you to banish all present information and prejudice from your minds, if you have any.
Q: Why do blondes take the pill?
A: So they know what day of the week it is.
A sexy lady in a bar walks up to the counter and motions the bartender over. She starts to run her fingers through his hair and asks to speak to the manager. The bartender says, ”He isn’t here but I can do anything the manger can do for you.” By this time the lady is running her fingers down his face and into his mouth and is letting him suck on her fingers.
She says, 憫you’re sure he isn’t here?”
The bartender says, ”Yes, I’m very sure.”
The lady says, ”Well, I just wanted to tell him there’s no toilet paper or soap in the women’s restroom.”
Why did the elephant stand on the marshmallow?
Because he didn’t want to fall into the hot chocolate
Q: What do you call a drug ring in Dallas?
A: A huddle.
Q: Four Dallas Cowboys in a car, who’s driving?
A: The police.
Q: Why can’t Michael Irvin get into a huddle on the field anymore?
A: It is a parole violation for him to associate with known felons.
The Dallas newspapers reported yesterday that Texas Stadium is going to take out the artificial turf because the cowboys play better on “grass.”
The Dallas Cowboys adopted a new “Honor System”, Yes your Honor, No your Honor.
The Cowboys had a 12 and 5 season this year, 12 arrests, 5 convictions.
The Cowboys knew they had to do something for their defense, so they hired a new defensive coordinator: Johnny Cochran
Q: How do the Dallas Cowboys spend their first week at spring training?
A: Studying their Miranda Rights.
Attorney: And what did you see when the defendant pulled down his pants?
Witness: It looked like a penis, only smaller.
A blonde was recently fired from an M&M factory for throwing away Ws and peeling the shells on the candies. Therefore, she needed a new job to support herself. After going around town asking if anyone needed work done, she found a man who needed a painter.
“I’m here for the paint job,” she said.
“Alright,” said the man. “Here is the paint and your brush. I want you to paint my porch behind the house.”
The blonde immediately went to work painting. Within an hour, she was done and decided to put on a second coating.
After she finished, she returned to the man for her pay. She said with satisfaction, “I not only completed the job, but I even put on two coats of paint! By the way, that isn’t a porsche out back. It’s a new BMW.
One day a man walked in a bar with a box. He sat down, opened the box, and out popped a leprechaun. The man told the bartender, “I want a Rolling Rock and a shot of whiskey for my buddy here?
There was man sitting at the end of the bar watching all of this and, after the leprechaun drank his shot of whiskey; he ran down to the end of the bar and spit in the guy’s face. Then he ran back.
The guy with the box said, “I’ll have another Rolling Rock and a shot of whiskey for my buddy here.”
After the leprechaun drank his shot of whiskey, he again ran to the end of the bar and spit in the man’s face, then dashed back.
The guy with the box ordered another beer for himself and another shot for the leprechaun. Again, the after the leprechaun drank his shot of whiskey, he ran down to the end of the bar. But this time the man was waiting for him and he grabbed the leprechaun and held him in the air.
He said, “If you spit in my face again, I’m going to cut your pecker off?
The leprechaun laughed and said, “Leprechauns don’t have peckers?
Then the man said, “If you don’t have peckers, then how do you pee?”
Why do the Welsh shag sheep on cliff edges?
So the sheep push back harder!
