Superior Jokes .com

A woman went to her doctor for advice. She told the physician that her husband had developed a penchant for anal sex, and she wasn’t sure it was such a good idea. The doctor asked, “Do you enjoy it?” She said that she did. He asked, “Does it hurt you?” She said no. The doctor then told her, “Well, then, there’s no reason that you shouldn’t practice anal sex, if that’s what you like, so long as you take care not to get pregnant.” The woman was mystified. She asked, “You can get pregnant from anal sex?” The doctor replied, “Of course. Where do you think lawyers come from?”

A guy sees his new neighbor out in his backyard, so he decides to get acquainted. After introductions, he asks the new neighbor what he does for a living. The new neighbor says, “I’m a professor.” The first neigbhbor then asks, “Oh yeah, what do you teach?” “Logic,” the professor reponds. “What is that?” the neighbor inquires. “Well, let me see if I can give you an example…you have a dog, right?” “Yeah, that’s right,” neighbor #1 responds. “And you have children too, right?” says the professor. “Wow, right again!” exclaims the neighbor. “So, then you must be married and that would make you a heterosexual, right?” proclaims the professor. “Unbelievable, you’re absolutely correct. How do you know all this about me?” “Well,” the professor says, “I observed there was a dog house in your backyard, so you must have a dog. I also saw bicycles next to your garage, so you must have children. And if you have children, you are probably married and if your married, you are most likely heterosexual… it was all logical!” The next afternoon, the neighbor runs into his old friend. His friend asks if he has met the new neighbor. The man says that he met him yesterday. “What’s he like?” “Well,” the man says, “he’s nice and he is a professor of logic.” “Oh,” says the friend, “what’s logic?” “Maybe I can give you an example. Do you have a dog house?” “Why, no, I do not,” responds the friend. “Well, then,” proclaims the man, “you must be gay!”

What did the blonde say to her doctor when he told her she was pregnant??Is it mine?

Bartenders do it on the rocks.Bartenders do it as you wish.Bartenders do it for tips.

Why did the chicken cross the road? Part of a the CIA’s specially trained elite team of fowl, this stealthy chicken is on a perilous misson. His object? No less than to uncover the secret documents of the infamous Polish scientist, Dr. Poppycockski. Dr. Poppycockski, code name: Cock, has outlandish, yet devilsihly clever plans for total world domination, which begin with the great nation of Haiti.

A little kid walks into a city bus and sits right behind the driver and starts yelling, ”If my dad was a bull and my mom a cow I’d be a little bull.” The driver starts getting mad at the noisy kid, who continues with, ”If my dad was an elephant and my mom a girl elephant I would be a little elephant.”
The kid goes on with several animals until the bus driver gets angry and yells at the kid, ”What if your dad was gay and your mom was a prostitute?!”

The kid smiles and says, ”I would be a bus driver!”

This man had decided to spend some time in this new and fancy resort which advertised an all inclusive do all you can kind of sejour. So he shows up at the desk , gets his key and goes to his room. Looking thru the hotel’s book he finds there are tennis courts on the premises so he calls the desk to find out how to go about playing a set or two. “Just meet the pro at the tennis shop, he will lend you all that you need and will find you someone to play with.” answered a very polite clerk. “How much is that going to cost me” the man asks So the man goes to the shop, plays tennis all afternoon. When he is done he asks the pro how much he owed. “Nothing, this is on the room.” The next day he decided to try horse backriding and again found it did not cost him a penny more than the price of the room. After a week there he had done just about everything that was available except golf. On his last day he decided to play a round so he goes to the club house, gets what he needs and starts his games. When he came back to the shop the pro asked him how the game had gone. “Not so good” the man answers, “in fact I lost 5 balls.” “Well” says the pro, “that will be $5000.00 sir.” “What do you mean $5000.00, for 5 lousy golf balls? You have to be kidding. I played an afternoon of tennis, went horse riding, scuba diving, deep sea fishing and more and was never charged a cent, and now that I have lost 5 balls you charge me $5000.00 ?” “Well” the pro says “you know, this hotel really gets you by the balls.”

A Jewish man moves into a Catholic neighborhood. Every Friday the Catholics go crazy because, while they’re morosely eating fish, the Jew is outside barbecuing steaks. So the Catholics work on the Jew to convert him.
Finally, by threats and pleading, the Catholics succeed. They take the Jew to a priest who sprinkles holy water on the Jew and intones: …..”Born a Jew ……Raised a Jew ……Now a Catholic.”

The Catholics are ecstatic. No more delicious, but maddening smells every Friday evening. But the next Friday evening, the scent of barbecue wafts through the neighborhood. The Catholics all rush to the Jew’s house to remind him of his new diet. They see him standing over the cooking steak. He is sprinkling water on the meat and saying: …..”Born a cow ……Raised a cow ……Now a fish.”

A young man walks up and sits down at the bar. “What can I get you?” the bartender inquires. “I want 6 shots of Jagermeister,” responded the young man. “6 shots?!? Are you celebrating something?” Yeah, my first blowjob.” “Well, in that case, let me give you a 7th on the house.” “No offense, sir. But if 6 shots won’t get rid of the taste, nothing will.”

The animals were bored. Finally, the lion had an idea. “I know a really exciting game that the humans play called football. I’ve seen it on T.V.”
He proceeded to describe it to the rest of the animals and they all got excited about it so they decided to play. They went out to the field and chose up teams and were ready to begin.

The lion’s team received. They were able to get two first downs and then had to punt. The mule punted and the rhino was back deep for the kick. He caught the ball, lowered his head and charged. First, he crushed a roadrunner, then two rabbits. He gored a wildebeast, knocked over two cows, and broke through to daylight, scoring six.

Unfortunately, they lacked a placekicker, and the score remained 6 - 0.

Late in the first half the lion’s team scored a touchdown and the mule kicked the extra point. The lion’s team led at halftime 7 - 6. In the locker room, the lion gave a peptalk.

“Look you guys. We can win this game. We’ve got the lead and they only have one real threat. We’ve got to keep the ball away from the rhino, he’s a killer. Mule, when you kick off be sure to keep it away from the rhino.”

The second half began. Just as the mule was about to kick off, the rhino’s team changed formation and the ball went directly to the rhino. Once again, the rhino lowered his head and was off running. First, he stomped two gazelles. He skewered a zebra, and bulldozed an elephant out of the way. It looked like he was home free. Suddenly at the twenty yard line, he dropped over dead. There were no other animals in sight anywhere near him. The lion went over to see what had happened. Right next to the dead rhino he saw a small centipede.

“Did you do this?” he asked the centipede.

“Yeah, I did.” the centipede replied.

The lion retorted, “Where were you during the first half?”

“I was putting on my shoes.”