Superior Jokes .com

A butcher is working, and really busy. He notices a big black lab in his shop and shoos him away. Later, he notices the lab is back again.

He walks over to the lab, and notices the dog has a note in his mouth. The butcher takes the note, and it reads, “Can I have 12 sausages and a leg of lamb, please.” The butcher looks, and lo and behold, in the lab’s mouth, there is a 20 dollar bill.

So the butcher takes the money, puts the sausages and lamb in a bag, and places the bag in the lab’s mouth. The butcher is very impressed, and since it’s closing time, he decides to close up shop and follow the lab. So, off he goes.

The lab trots off down the street and comes to a crossing. The lab puts down the bag, jumps up and presses the crossing button. Then he waits, bag in mouth, for the lights to change. When it does, he walks across the road, with the butcher following. The lab then comes to a bus stop, and starts looking at the timetable. The butcher is in awe at this stage.

The lab checks out the times, and sits on one of the benches. Along comes a bus. The lab walks to the front of the bus, looks at the number, and goes back to his bench. Another bus comes. Again the lab goes and checks out the number, notices it’s the right bus, and climbs on. The butcher, by now fully intrigued, follows the lab onto the bus.

The bus travels thru town and out to the suburbs. Eventually the lab gets up, moves to the front of the bus, and standing on his hind legs, pushes the button to stop the bus. The dog gets off, groceries still in his mouth, and the butcher still in tow. They walk down the road, and the dog approaches a house.

He walks up the path, and drops the groceries on the step. Then he walks back down the path, takes a big run, and throws himself -whomp!- against the door. Then he goes back down the path, takes another run, and throws himself -whomp!- against the door again! There’s no answer at the door, so the lab goes back down the path, jumps up on a narrow wall, and walks along the perimeter of the garden.

He gets to a window, and bangs his head against it several times. He walks back, jumps off the wall, and waits at the door. The butcher watches as a big guy opens the door, and starts laying into the lab, who now hangs his head in shame.

The butcher runs up and stops the guy. “What the heck are you doing? This dog is a genius. He could be on TV!”

To which the guy responds, “Clever, my eye. This is the second time this week he’s forgotten his key!”

There was this fly hovering about 8 inches above the surface of the river, but unbeknown to the fly, just below the surface of the river there was this salmon looking up at the fly thinking, ‘If that fly was to come just six inches lower I would leap out of this water and have it for my tea.’ But unbeknown to the fish, there was this bear watching it, thinking, ‘If that fly was to come just six inches lower, that fish would leap out of the water and take it for its tea, and I could reach out and take that fish for my tea.’ But unbeknown to the bear, in the bushes was a hunter with his gun thinking, ‘If that fly was to come just six inches lower, that fish would leap out of the water and take it for its tea, that bear would reach out and take that fish for its tea, and I could lean forward with my gun and shoot that bear.’ But, unbeknown to the hunter, there was this mouse thinking, ‘If that fly was to come just six inches lower, that fish would leap out of the water and take it for its tea, that bear would reach out and take that fish for its tea, that hunter would lean forward with his gun and shoot that bear and I could run between the hunters legs and have his sandwich’s for my tea.’ But unbeknown to the mouse, there was this cat thinking, ‘If that fly was to come just six inches lower, that fish would leap out of the water and take it for its tea, that bear would reach out and take that fish for its tea, that hunter would lean forward with his gun and shoot that bear, that mouse would run between the hunters legs and have his sandwich’s for its tea and I could leap onto the mouse and have it for my tea.’
Just then the fly dropped six inches, the fish jumped, the bear reached, the hunter leaned, the mouse ran, the cat leaped and missed, falling into the water.