1. Bring a cell phone and order a pizza when the judge starts talking.2. Bring a zip-lock bag full of grapes and launch a few at the defendant when the judge isn’t looking.3. Giggle uncontrollably when they show the evidence, if any blood is present.4. If they ever bring up the possibility of an accomplice, duck your head and quiver.5. Stand up and yell “OBJECTION!” to everything the judge says. EVERYTHING.6. If you’re the defendant, wait until the judge starts talking about you. Proceed to hide under your table.7. If anybody attempts to communicate with you in any way, stare off into space and blow spit bubbles.8. Sing “The Song That Never Ends” incessantly.9. Get the judge to look at you. Lick your lips and motion that you’ll “call him”10. Actually call him11. Bring a kazoo.12. Act like you’re doing something important, and ask them to “keep it down”13. Every time the judge uses the gavel, keel over backwards and act like you’ve been shot.14. Bring a Gameboy and leave the volume at full.15. Wait until everybody is completely focused on the trial, then blow a referee’s whistle as loud as you can. Point to the person next to you and tell him to “stop it!”16. Pretend you turn into a pig when you get wet. Douse yourself in cold water and act like one.17. Call the judge a wuss when he issues the death penalty. When he accuses you of contempt of the court, look puzzled and ask him what it means. When he answers, object.18. Dress up like Santa Claus19. Drink all of your lawyer’s water, then ask for more. Then ask to go to the bathroom.20. Hiccup every time somebody says the word “the”21. Change your plea every five minutes22. If you’re the judge, call the defendant the plaintiff, the plaintiff a lawyer, the witness a juror, and the jurors defendants. Call the lawyers “Barney”23. Gurgle into the microphone.24. Complain aloud about that nasty wedgie you have, then take