Why don’t lawyers lie on the beach?Dogs would bury them.
A visiting professor at the University of Alabama is giving a seminar on the supernatural. To get a feel for his audience, he asks: “How many people here believe in ghosts?” About 90 students raise their hands.”Well that’s a good start. Out of those of you who believe in ghosts, do any of you think you’ve ever seen a ghost?” About 40 students raise their hands.”That’s really good. I’m really glad you take this seriously. Has anyone here ever talked to a ghost?15 students raise their hands.”That’s a great response. Has anyone here ever touched a ghost?”3 students raise their hands.”That’s fantastic. But let me ask you one question further… Have any of you ever made love to a ghost?One student in the back raises his hand.The professor is astonished. He takes off glasses, takes a step back, and says, “Son, all the years I’ve been giving this lecture, no one has ever claimed to have slept with a ghost. You’ve got to come up here and tell us about your experience.The redneck student replies with a nod and begins to make his way up to the podium. The professor says, “Well, tell us what it’s like to have sex with a ghost.The student replies, “Ghost?!?” “Dang it, I thought you said ”GOATS.”
Q. Why does it take longer to build a blonde snowman?A. Cause you have to hollow out its head!
A man and a woman were involved in a terrible car accident and both cars were totaled. They climbed from the wreckage and the woman stood in awe. “Our cars are demolished, yet we walk unharmed. This must be a sign from God that we are to be best friends for the rest of our lives,” she spoke wisely. “I agree completely, ma’am,” the man replied. The woman stepped closer to examine the damage and noticed something shiny within her car. Reaching in, she pulled out an unbroken bottle. “This bottle of wine wasn’t even cracked. I think this is another sign that we are to drink a toast to our new friendship.” “That’s a great idea, miss,” the man answered taking the bottle from her. He popped the cork and drank his share. “I’m sorry. How rude of me. Would you like some?” “No, thanks,” came the reply. “I’ll just wait for the cops to get here.”
A man, Bob, and his friend Joe went out hunting. This was Joe’s first time ever hunting, so he was following Bob’s lead. Bob saw a small herd of deer and told Joe to stay in the exact spot he was and to be quiet. After a few minutes, Bob heard a loud scream. He ran back and asked Joe what had happened. Joe said ?There was this snake and he slittered across my feet, but I never screamed. Then there was this bear that came up to me and snarled, but I never screamed.
Q: Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, an honest lawyer and an old drunk are walking down a street together when they simultaneously spot a hundred-dollar bill. Who gets it?A: The old drunk, of course, the other three are mythological creatures.
An examination in anatomy. The professor asks a student:”What is the function of muscles cremaster (the muscle, lifting the testicle)?”"Lifts the testicle.”"And more?”"Well, I am not sure… But if the testicle is squeezed by a door, it goggles the eyes, puts out the tongue and makes the vocal cords shout A-a-a-a…”
Q. Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet?A. So she wouldn’t wake up the sleeping pills.
A guy walks into a bar with his dog on a leash the barman says, ?Geez that’s a weird dog: he’s stumpy-legged, pink, and doesn’t have a tail, but I bet my rottweiler would beat the heck out of it.
Q: Where does a bee pee? A: At the BP station.
