EXCLAMTIONS:

“Well knock me down and steal muh teeth!”
“Well, butter my butt and call me a biscuit.”
“Ahm fixin ta do that”

THREATS:

“I’ll slap you so hard, when you wake up, your clothes will be outta style.”
“This’ll jar your preserves.”
“Don’t you be makin’ me open a can o’ whoop-ass on ya!”

COMPLIMENTS:

“Cute as a sack full of puppies.”
“If things get any better, I may have to hire someone to help me enjoy it.”
“Gooder than grits.”

THE WEATHER:

“It’s so dry, the trees are bribing the dogs.”
“It’s been hotter’n a goat’s butt in a pepper patch.”
Wintery roads are said to be “slicker than otter snot.”
DESCRIPTIONS:

INSULTS:

“She’s uglier than homemade soap.”
“Your momma’s so fat, when she stepped up on the scale to be weighed, it said ‘To be continued’.”
“He fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down.”
“Uglier than a lard bucket full of armpits.”
“The wheels still turning, but the hamsters dead.”
Any insulting statement is always followed by “bless his/her heart.” like: “She’s dumber than a door knob, bless her heart.”

MISC:

A bothersome person is “like a booger that you can’t thump off.”
When something is bad then you say, “that ain’t no count.”
If something is hard to do, it’s “like trying to herd cats.”
“He ran like his feet was on fire and his butt was catchin.”

Related Jokes:

1. Insults
2. Over Your Heart
3. Milking Cow
4. Poor farmer
5. Baby Turtle
6. Baby Turtle
7. Climbing the Tree
8. The Pheasant’s Special Diet
9. The Pheasant’s Special Diet
10. Pheasant Flies Up Tree
11. The Pheasant, The Bull, And Moralizing
12. Adopted Turtle
13. Adopted Turtle
14. 32 Rednecks
15. 32 Rednecks

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